Below are resources that give insights for dealing with toddler tantrums.
“Are you bossing your 3-year-old around too much? Are you not getting on her level and making eye contact? Are you talking too much? Are you giving too many or too few choices? Is there too much technology?
Understand that tantrums are a child’s way of telling you they have lost control. Your daughter is not trying to be bad or make you mad. She simply doesn’t have many communication tools in her toolbox. When you see her as being a captive of her body and mind, you can find more empathy for her.
Showing compassion to an upset child is often the fastest way to soften their defenses and slow the tantrum. This doesn’t mean you give her what she wants; it means you can hold a boundary while still showing love.”
“Whether or not you did it consciously, the first thing you probably did when you picked up your daughter, as a baby, was cuddle her. You kissed her, smelled her, spoke gently to her and smiled at her. Every parent does something like this. It is the delicious attachment dance, and your 2-year-old needs this again.
It is easy and normal for parents to allow our schedules to interrupt our relationships with our children. It happens all the time with marriages and friendships. The difference with children is that they let you know immediately when the relationship is not working for them.
Calmly move through your routine without too much talking. Distraction, strong leadership and organization are the allies of routine: Distraction comes in the form of songs, silliness and talking about whatever she loves at that moment. Strong leadership means that the parent dictates the routine, the parent chooses the meals, the parent chooses the clothing and the parent owns the dynamic. When we offer too many choices, the child’s brain goes into a tailspin.”
“When a child is misbehaving or having a tantrum, the child is too upset to learn…You have to remain calm and wait for the child to calm down. Then you can teach the child.
You think little kids are mad at you. That’s not what’s going on. They’re upset about something, and you have to figure out what it is.”
Books & Podcasts
The 5 Love Languages of Children by Dr. Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell, M.D.